Healing.  As I nurse my fractured right foot back to health and hopefully emerge even stronger from this setback, I find myself focusing on the word “healing,” more than “curing.”  This has always been a battle for me when it comes to my spinal cord injury and now I find myself applying the same thinking towards my foot.  For the last 27 years I have heard the phrase, “curing paralysis or curing spinal cord injury” and have always felt that something needed to be done before the act of “curing” could take place.  Enter “healing.”  Healing to me is the process that can possibly lead to a cure.  This process involves tapping into our emotions, making peace with the past, and preparing ourselves for the future.  If this process is not completed than it does not mean that we can’t lead a rewarding and a happy life, but you always feel like something is missing, something is unresolved.

So I have decided to heal my fractured foot.  Sure, I will wait the 4-6 weeks, get another x-ray, obtain clearance from my doctor to begin standing in my standing frame and then begin the assisted-walking program again…but…I know that if I don’t heal my foot, I may be looking at another setback and possibly much sooner rather than later.  Huh?  In the remaining three weeks that I have before I get that x-ray, I will continue to feel my feelings of frustration, anger, and even sadness for the time lost in walking this summer and really see where they are rooted because I sure as heck know that they run much deeper than a broken foot.  From what is surfacing thus far, there is an abundance of frustration in other parts of my life which are not major, but enough to know that they are being magnified through my injury.  Louise Hay, a world-renowned author and healer, has a book and now an app called “Heal Your Body,” that focuses on our physical setbacks, the probable cause, and the new thought pattern that is necessary for healing.  I totally subscribe to this way of thinking.  According to “Heal Your Body,” the probable cause of a bone problem/breaks or fractures is “Rebelling against authority.”  Hmmm, maybe I do believe that outside circumstances or even people control me to a certain degree.  The new thought pattern is “In my world, I am my own authority, for I am the only one who thinks in my mind.”  This certainly resonates with me.  Even though life is going very well for me, I still find myself comparing myself to other people rather than just doing my own thing and being happy with it.  Life is a work in progress my friends and this fractured foot is a pathway towards immense personal growth at the moment and I want to absorb its entire message.

So while I am making peace with my foot and the emotions surrounding it, I am also noticing an element of fear that is slowly, but surely, rising.  There is a fear of getting back on my feet again, not just a fear of possibly breaking my foot again, but an even greater fear of what life could possibly be like WHEN, not if, I truly walk again, unassisted, on my own, without a harness system, without leg braces, without any device to assist me.  It is an exciting image on the screen of my mind and an even more exhilarating feeling that accompanies that image, but I would be lying to you if I did not tell you that I am somewhat scared.  It has been almost 27 years that I have been paralyzed.  I know what it is like to live my life from a wheelchair.  While this may sound like a no-brainer and that I should not have any fear, the reality is that it is change, and our mind resists all kinds of change.  The mind creates comfort zones for us through fear, while the heart breaks them down through courage.  My heart is telling me that this is a work in progress and that I am getting there.

Today’s Action Step:  Ask yourself, “What needs to be HEALED in my life before it can be CURED?”

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